Bryan Sherwood

O God Come to My Assistance . . .

The last couple of weeks have been . . . challenging.  School this term has been more difficult than ever.  I seem to be having trouble learning all this new material at the rate it's being given.  It's much like drinking from a fire hose.  I'm sure you can relate.

Of course, life marches on.  Although my new job is wonderful, it requires me to be fully engaged and is pretty tiring for an introvert like me.  It's easy for me to feel pretty overwhelmed with work, school, and life.  I debated tonight about whether I should teach my class at 2 p.m. at church and then leave after it was over to give me more time to study and prepare for my 9 p.m. grad school class meeting.  I chose not to do that but instead stayed for Mass.  I think that was the right choice but it was difficult to clear my mind from all these pressures to focus on the liturgy.  Anyone who knows what it's like to be anxious can understand how all these "pressures" in life spike my own anxiousness to levels that are painful.

I've learned it's a short trip from anxiety to depression.  After all, these guys are related, so to speak.  I've figured out that anxiety drives my depression.  When life moves so fast that I feel unable to keep up, it's easy for me to get really anxious about all that I've not been able to do and yet must be done.  Once the waves of anxiety start crashing in, I begin to feel rather helpless and find myself in a downward spiral toward darkness.  That's not a good place to be.

I don't recommend any of the above.  :-)  Yet, it's very much a part of my life.  And so I continue to pray  "O God come to my assistance."  He doesn't leave me alone and somehow, I'm able to go on.

A Personal Update

I thought I'd take a few minutes and give a brief update.  If you're interested in personal stuff, keep reading.  If not, that's okay too. . .

The New Job

I started a brand new job on July 13.  To be honest, I'm not sure I could have had a better start to a new job.  The transition has been very smooth and I feel pretty confident in being able to bring value to my new position.  People have been very helpful and yet I've been very busy.  The environment is quite different but different in good ways.  I feel valued as an employee now where as a "contingent worker" at Lexmark, I never felt truly valued.  Of course, having to learn a new culture, new people, and new processes is always painful.  I do enjoy the variety the new job brings . . . I attended a client meeting on Friday at a beautiful horse farm.  If you have to work, that's the way to do it!  So, thanks for all the prayers about the new job.  Obviously, things are going well.

School

Grad school is going well yet I'm starting to feel pretty burned out.  I'm about half way done with my program and in all reality, I should have taken the summer off.  I needed someone to smack me around a bit and tell me to do that, I guess.  I've already decided come tax season, I'll have no choice but to take a term off grad school.  Work is going to be very busy during March and April.  If I try to work 50+ hours a week AND keep up my work in grad school, I think I might kill myself.  So, I think it's probably a better idea to take a term off.  It's been a great program at Drexel and I have to admit I'm learning a lot about information management.

Spiritual Life

I never know what to call this . . . where I am spiritually as a person in the Kingdom.  I will say that major changes in life always mess with my regular practice of spiritual disciplines.  It's not that I stop doing them but I get out of rhythm a bit for a while.  I'm hoping I'll be able to settle in more of a regular daily routine since I'm starting to figure out what time I need to leave to get to work on time (with the construction I'm dealing with), etc.

I feel a bit isolated from our church community just because I've been so busy with work and school this summer.   For instance, this weekend has been spent writing a Management Analysis paper, taking a cataloging quiz, and completing weekly  homework assignments.  So far, I still have the paper to finish and the homework to knock out before late Sunday night.  The reality is I only have so many hours a day and I'm trying to keep everything in balance but its not easy.

I am enjoying working downtown which gives me the opportunity to take my lunch hour and go to Mass if I want at St. Peter's.  It's nice to be able to go and sit in a quiet place for a bit and think about other things besides work.

So, that's how thing are with me.  I hope things are well with you.

Pax.

A Few Thoughts on Church - Part 3

The first two parts of this short series can be found here and here.

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So, why did Heather and I take the Canterbury Trail?  If you're interested in our story that takes us into the Anglican Church, read on.

I think I'd start first by simply saying Anglicanism seems to fit us.  One of the phrases you hear within Anglicanism is via media.  Via media means the "middle way."  I think for the most part this is a true idea - Anglicanism serves as a "middle way" between the Protestant world and the Catholic world.  This is who I am.  Catholic but not necessarily Roman.  Protestant in some ways but Catholic in many others.  In my opinion, it brings together the very best of both traditions.  

I just ran across a video (HT Kyle) that features Todd Hunter that describes the history of Anglicanism and the impact it has had on his life.  He says it very well.  Check it out.

I may write more of my personal journey later.  I'd be interested to hear your thoughts about the video.

A Few Thoughts on Church - Part 2

I left off with a statement about how our time in a house church was a pivotal time for me and Heather.  Why was that?  Here are a few thoughts that come to mind.

The Divine Office

I was just beginning to learn about the divine office and liturgical prayer.  Being part of Vine & Branches solidified this practice in our lives.  Although I enjoy praying the office in a large group setting, there's something about a small band of people praying the Psalms together.  Even apart, they bind us together. 

Community

Community is a word that's been thrown around quite a bit.  I learned much of what this means at VBCC.  One of the ways I would describe community is just "regular."  Living every day life with others.  That might be as simple as sharing a meal together, playing games, or watching TV.  There wasn't some big organized program to build community.  No workbooks.  No simulcast.

In the last few years "community" has brought a lot of difficulty too.  It's NOT easy to make room for others and live in a way where you are accountable to a small group of people.  In the end, it's been the most difficult thing I've ever participated in but also the most life-changing and rewarding thing.

At Saint Patrick's, we see this lived out in priories - small groups of people covenanted together.  Our second year in a priory is almost over and I have hope that these priories will continue to be a way in which we can learn to live like Kingdom people.

Life in the kingdom isn't to be lived alone.  This kind of interaction is important for us to understand things like forgiveness, grace, humility and honesty.

Liturgy

As a guy who grew up in the Southern Baptist and Christian Church traditions, I knew nothing about liturgy.  I had always written it off as something "rote" and repetitive and of no real value.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  I found out fairly quickly that repetition can be good.  It's forming.  As I pray the prayers over and over or say the Creed over and over, it begins to sink in.  It begins to inform my own theology and view of God.  It's a bit like having that favorite hymn that you know the words to.  It becomes a part of you.

It's my opinion that these are important practices for Christians to engage in.  Notice, they aren't short in duration.  These are practices that are meant for the long haul.  They form us and change us over time.

Part 3 will be all about why Heather and I have ended up in Anglicanism.  More to come.

Prayers Please

Hello friends.  I have an important meeting Wednesday morning at 8 a.m.  I'd appreciate your prayers.  Perhaps I'll be able to share more a bit later.  Thanks!

I Admit It

I admit it.  I'm having fun with Dreamweaver.  I'm enjoying building a website with it for my final project for one of my grad courses.  It's a chance to be creative and do something entirely different than what I spend most of my work days involved in.  Plus, I have married another hobby of mine (genealogy) with website design so that means I'm REALLY having fun.

If things go well, I may get to use some of these new found skills at work.  That will be a good opportunity to learn additional skills using Dreamweaver and other Adobe products.  I guess I'll be an expert in no time.  Ha.

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm glad!  I'm looking forward to the weekend and my monthly trip to the monastery on Sunday.  Should be fun.  Pax.

How Long?

The last several weeks have been . . . how should I say it . . . challenging?  Yes, maybe that's a good way to think about it.  It seems like there's a certain cumulative effect when life gets chaotic and stressful.  I think I'm feeling that these days.  I could go on about why the circumstances of life have been less than joyful but I won't.  Right now, I'm just really tired, a bit downcast, and wondering when things might improve?

I certainly feel the words of Psalm 12.3 (13.3).  How long must I bear grief in my soul, this sorrow in my heart day and night?  I don't know what to do but only to try and move forward.  I'll continue praying the Office, talking to friends and pray that this feeling won't last forever.

A Little Update

School feels like it's kicking my butt this term.  I spent nearly the entire day on Sunday doing homework for one of my classes.  Not the way I like to spend Sundays.  I like learning HTML but I haven't been enjoying the process very much.  This is week six of ten so it will be over soon, one way or the other.

Other life stuff includes our new puppy, Riley.  He's quite a hoot.  He seems to be feeling pretty comfortable in our home now and is running around like a wild man.  He runs into the kitchen, circles the table and comes running into the living room.  He loves to run and romp around the house - at least in all the places we'll allow him to go.  Oh, and I didn't remember how sleep deprived a new  puppy makes a person.  He's been awake multiple times each night needing to "go potty."  He's doing great but it's killing us.  This was easier the last time we did it . . . twelve  years ago.  Maybe it has something to do with being almost 40 now and in my late twenties back then.  Oh well, he's definitely worth it.  I wonder if the Abbey of Gethsemani would mind if I brought Riley on retreat?  After all, they need a monastery dog. 

Since Lent, I've been leading a noonday prayer group at work. I've been thrilled with seeing people from Catholic, Anglican, Methodist and other faith traditions meet each week and pray the same prayers together.  What started as an "experiment" for Lent has continued for the time being.  It's the highlight of my work week.

Consider yourself caught up.  Pax.

R.L. Allan Black Highland Goatskin ESV Bible

If  you're wondering what you could buy for Bryan . . . do I have a deal for you.

Ready for Easter?

Are you ready for Easter?  I'm certainly ready for Lent to be over.  For whatever reason, this Lent has seemed long.  Longer than normal.  I can't say that I've picked up new spiritual disciplines this year or have done anything too "hard."  Lent for me has been a time where I'm learning more about suffering, I think.  I guess that makes sense - Lent is a time of entering into the sufferings of Christ as we follow him to the cross.  I can't say I like it much though.  Yet, that's kind of where I've been.  Hopefully, I'm learning something through all of this. 

I know one thing for sure, I can't wait to shout "Alleluia!  Christ is risen.  the Lord is risen indeed!  Alleluia!