The last couple of weeks have been . . . challenging. School this term has been more difficult than ever. I seem to be having trouble learning all this new material at the rate it's being given. It's much like drinking from a fire hose. I'm sure you can relate.
Of course, life marches on. Although my new job is wonderful, it requires me to be fully engaged and is pretty tiring for an introvert like me. It's easy for me to feel pretty overwhelmed with work, school, and life. I debated tonight about whether I should teach my class at 2 p.m. at church and then leave after it was over to give me more time to study and prepare for my 9 p.m. grad school class meeting. I chose not to do that but instead stayed for Mass. I think that was the right choice but it was difficult to clear my mind from all these pressures to focus on the liturgy. Anyone who knows what it's like to be anxious can understand how all these "pressures" in life spike my own anxiousness to levels that are painful.
I've learned it's a short trip from anxiety to depression. After all, these guys are related, so to speak. I've figured out that anxiety drives my depression. When life moves so fast that I feel unable to keep up, it's easy for me to get really anxious about all that I've not been able to do and yet must be done. Once the waves of anxiety start crashing in, I begin to feel rather helpless and find myself in a downward spiral toward darkness. That's not a good place to be.
I don't recommend any of the above. :-) Yet, it's very much a part of my life. And so I continue to pray "O God come to my assistance." He doesn't leave me alone and somehow, I'm able to go on.
